He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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