He uses pillows to masturbate.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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