"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He passed out mid-signature
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize