You just made me feel so damn special
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
