4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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