Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
