He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
