i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
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