Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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