Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
