Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
