just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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