So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
