YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
