More tranny stories later!
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
