Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
