My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
