Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
