She went from zero to smokin in five shots
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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