just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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