So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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