dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
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