I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
