you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
