im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
