White coat. Heels.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
