brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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