Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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