Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
