I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
