Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
