my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
