u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
