I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
