You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
