i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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