I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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