last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Life is so much better after having sex.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
