fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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