So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
