I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
