she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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