i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
