The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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