Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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