Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
