You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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