I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
