Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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