sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
