why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
