Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
