so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
