Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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