piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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