so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
