I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
