Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
