I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
