Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
A+ Viking dick
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
