Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
