I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
