I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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