conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize