In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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