I never want to see another naked old woman again.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
