I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
