apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Randomize
