8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
