I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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