You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
